Lately I’ve been a little… not sad, but I guess you can call it meloncholy. And I think it’s because all of a sudden I feel like I’m on borrowed time with my kids. At 9 and 6 1/2 years old, they are certainly not all grown up. They certainly still need their Mama. But they are certainly becoming more independent and more responsible. And that is of course a good thing…
But it’s very different now. They are both in school full days. Some days it feels as though they are away from home more than they are here.
And all the things that I couldn’t wait for them to do – like dressing themselves, feeding themselves, making their own beds, cleaning up after themselves, attending birthday parties without needing me to keep vigil in case they got hurt…. all those things (and more) are now a reality. And most days I am SO grateful for it. I think back to those newborn/infant/toddler days and I can’t for the life of me figure out how I in fact made it through with my sanity in tact. Those days were HARD. And these days are in fact, much much easier.
I’m sure most moms go through this. And I have been told that it’s in these uncomfortable, unsettled, and reflective times that we as moms grow too. We begin to view our children less as extensions of ourselves and more as individuals with their own ideas and personalities. We remember to embrace them as they are now – to live in the moment, be present in every day, to really listen to them as they process the world around them.
And I know that I will get over my meloncholy as I usually do. I will once again revel in how much easier my days are now that they’re in school, and be grateful for the time to pursue things that I love. But for today, I will reflect and grow, just like they will.
(Photo taken with point-and-shoot…)
Hey Jennifer… I saw your post on FB and completely agree. I feel the same way at times. I went on Jordan’s field trip last Friday and it was priceless. One mom asked why I would want to spend my day with a bunch of 3rd graders. Seriously? Let’s think of a few reasons…deep conversation with Jordan’s teacher, the opportunity to “spy” on other kids and see how they behave, and precious time with Jordan and his friends… It was a great time together, but Jordan was embarrassed a few times when I sang outloud or acted silly in front of his friends. That made me sad… clearly he cares about what his friends think now and doesn’t want to be embarassed by his crazy mom. Most of the time our boys still hug me in front of their friends, tell me they love me and pick me over anyone else. But I know that is going to change… Thanks for the thoughts.
It’s great to be in touch!